"Who taught you to kiss?": Anne Lister, part 4

Anne Lister by John Horner, ca. 1830s. Image source: Calderdale Museums: Shibden Hall Paintings

A continuation of "I was now sure of the estate": Anne Lister, part 3

Between January 1826, when she inherited Shibden Hall on her uncle's death, and May 1832, when she returned to Halifax after a lengthy stay in Hastings, Anne Lister spent more time away from Shibden Hall than she did living there. She explained why to her friend Mrs. Priestley:

Friday 10 March 1826: Sat talking to Mrs Priestley till 5. . .said my residence here [in Halifax] for some time to come was uncertain & would be till I could settle, which would not be till I had some friend ready to settle with me. [1]

Two years earlier she had made clear to Mrs. Priestley that the friend she wanted as a life partner was a woman:

Tuesday 2 March 1824: When walking with Mrs. Priestley, [I] said she would believe I should never marry if she knew me better. I had been pretty well tried. . .But I refused from principle. There was one feeling—I meant love—properly so-called, that was out of my way, & I did not think it right to marry without. Not that I could live without a companion. I did not mean to say that. She said I should be too fastidious. There would be none I should choose. 'No,' said I, 'I have chosen already.' Mrs Priestley looked. 'One can but be happy,' said I. 'It is a lady & my mind has been made up these fifteen years.' I ought to have said a dozen, for, of course, I meant M—, but said I never mentioned this to anyone but my uncle & aunt. . .I wonder what Mrs Priestley thought. She will not forget &, I think, was rather taken by surprise.

Anne had long planned to live together with her lover Mariana Lawton (M— in the diaries). However, after the events described in "I was now sure of the estate," her feelings changed. Two long stays in Paris in 1824-25 and 1826-27 had given Anne a taste for aristocratic elegance, and as she approached her 40s she began to look in earnest for a candidate to replace Mariana: a younger, richer woman who could elevate Anne's social status and increase the wealth at her disposal. In seeking this sort of "strategic marriage" Anne was following a common model among men of the land-owning classes.

A friend (and sometime lover) Anne had met through her York connections, Sibella Maclean, was the daughter of minor Scottish nobility. Sibella introduced Anne to her aristocratic circle, including Lady Caroline Duff Gordon, Lady Stuart de Rothsay and her great-niece, Vere Hobart, daughter of the Earl of Buckinghamshire. In 1829 Anne accompanied Vere during a trip to Paris. Vere told Anne that her attentiveness "seemed more to her like that of a lover than a friend, so affectionate" (Sunday 2 August 1829). [2]

Anne's behavior with the virginal, upper-class Vere was far more decorous than it had been five years previously with the widowed, middle-class Maria Barlow (see "It was all nature": Anne Lister, part 2). Her restraint ensured that she would continue to be considered an appropriate companion for Vere. When the question arose about who would be the best choice to stay with Vere during a sojourn at 15 Pelham Crescent in the southeastern seaside resort of Hastings in the fall and winter of 1831-32, Lady Stuart wrote that Anne was a "highly respectable person."

Pelham Crescent Hastings by William Westhall, 1828. Engraved by E. Francis. Image source: Swan Gallery

Lady Stuart's approval gratified Anne; during her stay in Paris with Vere she had confided to her diary, "I know not how it is that I am at heart so pleased with the really high ones of the land. Their stateliness and dignity suits me." [3]

But did Anne's "oddities" suit them? During their stay in Hastings between November 1831 and April 1832 Vere kept Anne at a distinct distance, strictly rationing the time they spent together. "The fact is, she thinks me odd—more, as she once let slip, like man than woman," Anne wrote in her diary (26 December 1831). [4]

Anne was not used to being rebuffed. She had also learned the unwelcome news that Vere had a serious male suitor, 35-year-old Captain Donald Cameron, whose regiment had fought in the decisive countercharge that broke Napoleon's Imperial Guard at Waterloo, and who would soon become the 23rd Lochiel, or chief, of Clan Cameron. Vere's relatives were strongly encouraging the match.

Monday 9 January 1832: I think she will have him but what do I care? I shall have all the good I can out of her acquaintance, and not having more will not break my heart. Lady Gordon may suit me better.

Tuesday 17 January 1832: Thinking of Miss H—, annoyed and hurt. . .My whole life with her is one effort to be what I am not naturally. . .But, why write so much about her, why waste so much time and paper? I hope it may instruct me afterwards, and cure me of all folly about her, by forcing me to remember what sort of time I have really passed with her. How chequered with mortification and pain. I have in fact never been so solitary. We can hardly be said to have one feeling in common. . . [5]

Vere found Anne's behavior towards her to be too intense, and to some degree Vere may have suspected the nature of Anne's attentions:

Wednesday 8 February: She said I was too different. Wished I was a little more blended [with femininity]. . .I wanted what she could not give. [6]

Vere let Anne know a few hours in advance of her intention to accept Captain Cameron's proposal. Nonetheless, when the engagement was announced it hit Anne surprisingly hard. The next morning she shut herself in her room:

Monday 16 April 1832: Cried and sobbed miserably. . .I was ashamed of my swollen eyes, but doing very well till about near 9 1/2 when Miss H— knocked to ask if I was up. . .I faintly answered yes, but the sound of her voice set me wrong, the tears started and I was bad again as ever. . .She asked if it was her fault. . .she is not worth a heart or friendship like mine. . .she said she always told me I cared too much for her. . . [8]

In her emotional and sexual attachments Anne usually had the upper hand. She was the one who had dumped (though not necessarily ended her sexual contact with) her former lovers Eliza Raine, Isabella Norcliffe, and Maria Barlow. Previously the only time Anne had been in a similar position was when Mariana Belcombe had announced her engagement to Charles Lawton. Perhaps some of the tears Anne was shedding over Vere Hobart had their origin in her sense of betrayal by Mariana (see "I only love the fairer sex": Anne Lister, part 1).

Anne was about to receive more bad news, however. Her backup plan had been to travel to Europe with Lady Caroline Duff Gordon, with whom she had visited the Pyrenees in 1829. And from her comments about Lady Gordon in her diary (such as "Lady Gordon may suit me better") Anne seems to have viewed her as the next candidate for her life partner. On her way northward to visit Mariana Lawton before returning to Halifax, Anne called on Lady Gordon at her home in Cheltenham to broach her travel plans. 

But Lady Gordon was surprised, and not pleasantly, to be visited at her country estate by Anne without advance notice. She let Anne know that any travelling they might do would involve "different establishments"; the two women would be "independent of one another," and Lady Gordon "would not be bothered [did not wish to be encumbered] by having me to society [as company] for Florence." Anne's fantasies about Lady Gordon as a potential life companion were brought crashing down, and for the second time in two weeks she faced rejection:

Sunday 29 April 1832: I felt myself, in reality, gauche, and besides, in a false position. . .my high society plans fail. . .May never see Miss Hobart or Lady Gordon again. . .What a change in all my plans and thoughts. [9]

Return to Shibden and renewed acquaintance with Ann Walker

In May 1832 Anne returned to Shibden Hall, where she had written that her sister Marian was "cock of the dunghill." [10] Her spirits were at a low ebb. She had let go of her plans to spend her life with Mariana Lawton, whose inconvenient husband was still very much alive, but she had found no one to take her place. And her attempts to ingratiate herself with two aristocratic women had foundered.

It was in this state that Anne received a social call on 6 July 1832 from Mr. and Mrs. Atkinson and their niece, Miss Ann Walker. Anne Lister had met Ann Walker more than a decade previously, when Ann was in her late teens. Her verdict then was not flattering:

Tuesday 18 June 1822: . . .off in a gig to Crownest, to take a walk with Miss Ann Walker, having talked of it ever since my walk with her last year. . .Very civil, etc, but she is a stupid vulgar girl. . .& I have no intention of taking more walks, or letting the acquaintance go one jot further. [11]

Crow Nest, one of three houses on the Walker's Lightcliffe estate. Image source: Lightcliffe and District Local History Society

The Walker family's wealth was derived from trade in woolen cloth, and Anne had considered that its mercantile origins made the Walkers, although far richer than the Listers, her social inferiors.

Ten years later, however, Anne was less standoffish; perhaps Ann, now 29, had improved in the intervening time. There's another possibility as well: in 1830 Anne had learned that, on the death of their younger brother John during his honeymoon in Naples, Ann and her sister Elizabeth had become co-heiresses of the 2000-acre Walker estate, worth "between three or four thousand a year to each sister" (3 September 1831). In comparison, while Anne's father and aunt were living and receiving one-third shares of the rents from the 400-acre Shibden estate, her own annual income was about £800. [12]

A few weeks after Ann Walker's call Anne returned the visit, and her diary records that she was already considering Ann as a potential companion:

Friday 10 August 1832: . . .called on Miss Walker of Lidgate & sat 1 3/4 hour with her—found her very civil & agreeable. . .We got on very well together. Thought I, as I have several times done before of late, 'Shall I try and make up to her?' [13]

After another conversation a week later, Anne's idle thoughts were beginning to take concrete shape:

Friday 17 August 1832: Thought I, 'She little dreams what is in my mind—to make up to her. She has money and this might make up for rank'. . .The thought as I returned amused and interested me. [14]

Testing the waters, Anne raised the possibility with Ann of travelling to Europe together:

Thursday 27 September 1832: I think she already likes me even more than she herself is aware. . .We laughed at the idea of the talk our going abroad together would [excite]. She said it would be as good as a marriage. 'Yes,' said [I], 'quite as good or better.' [15]

It's intriguing that Ann is the one who first compared their future relationship to a marriage. It's also interesting that even at this very early stage, Anne talked her plans over with her aunt, making the reason for her interest in Ann Walker abundantly clear:

Saturday 29 September 1832: Telling her my real sentiments about Miss Walker and my expectations that the chances were ten to one in favor of our travelling and ultimately settling together. . .My aunt. . .seemed very well pleased at my choice and prospects. I said she had three thousand a year or very near it." [16]

But perhaps Anne's plans weren't at a particularly early stage; just a few days later she broached with Ann the prospect of living together permanently:

Monday 1 October 1832: Proposed her living with me at Shibden and letting Cliff-hill. . .Said I expected to have ultimately two thousand a year. . .I then asked if she thought she could be happy enough with me, to give up all thought of ever leaving me. . .On the plea of feeling her pulse, I took her hand and held it some time, to which she shewed no objection. In fact we both probably felt more like lovers than friends. . .Thought I, 'She's in for it if ever a girl was, and so am I too.' [17]

Ann hesitated, and Anne agreed to give her six months to make up her mind. But things were quickly moving forward: a few days later Ann invited Anne to dinner tête-à-tête at Lidgate. 

Lydgate House, Lightcliffe. Image source: Lightcliffe and District Local History Society

Anne went over in the morning, and soon the two women were sitting together on the sofa:

Thursday 4 October 1832: I had my arm on the back of the sofa. She leaned on it looking as if I might be affectionate & it ended in her lying on my arm all the morning & my kissing her & she returning it with such a long, continued, passionate or nervous mumbling kiss. . .I thinking to myself, 'Well, this is rather more than I expected.' [18]

After dinner, the two women became even more intimate:

She sat on my knee and I did not spare kissing and pressing, she returning it. . .On leaving the dining-room, we sat most lovingly on the sofa. . .I prest her bosom. Then, finding no resistance and the lamp being out, let my hand wander lower down gently getting to [her] queer—still no resistance—so I whispered surely she could care for me some little. 'Yes.' [19]

Things might have proceeded even further, but Ann had a sudden attack of conscience accompanied by tears. She had been engaged to be married, but three months earlier her fiancé, Andrew Fraser, had suddenly died. She told Anne that her feelings could not be "transferred so soon." Again, it is surprising that it is Ann who is suggesting a direct equivalence between her feelings for her fiancé and for Anne. Anne was also taken aback by Ann's avidity in their lovemaking: "She certainly gulled me in that I never dreamt of her being the passionate little person I find her. . .I scarce know what to make of her. Hang it! This queer girl puzzles me." [20]

Apparently Ann's qualms of conscience passed overnight, because the over the next few days she gave Anne further encouragement:

Friday 5 October 1832: She took me up to her room. I kissed her and she pushed herself so to me. I rather felt and might have done as much as I pleased. She is man-keen enough. If I stay all night, it will be my own fault if I do not have all of her I can. . . [21]

Needing to take care of some estate business the next day, Anne did not go over to Lidgate. But on Sunday she returned:

Sunday 7 October 1832: I kissed [her] and pressed very tenderly, and got my right hand up her petticoats. . .but not to the skin—could not get thro' her thick knitted drawers, tho' she never once attempted to put my hand away. . .I shall manage it the next time. [22]

But the next afternoon near-disaster struck. Anne was once again "kissing and pressing" Ann on the sofa in the drawing room. They had taken the precaution of closing the blinds, but had not locked the door. It opened suddenly and Ann's cousin by marriage Mrs. Priestley walked in unannounced.

Monday 8 October 1832: I had jumped [up] in time and was standing by the fire but Ann looked red and pale and Mrs P— must see we were not particularly expecting or desiring company. She looked vexed, jealous and annoyed. [23]

Mrs. Priestley, seeing that her presence was unwelcome, left in "suppressed rage." Anne then returned to the sofa, and amazingly the women resumed as though nothing had happened:

We soon got to kissing again on the sofa. . .At last I got my right hand up her petticoats and after much fumbling got thro' the opening of her drawers. . .She never offered the least sign of resistance. [24]

During a break in their lovemaking Ann expressed curiosity about Anne's past lovers. Anne maintained that she had no previous "attachment," to which Ann responded,

'If you never had any attachment, who taught you to kiss?' I laughed and said how nicely that was said—then answered that Nature taught me.

But in her turn Anne was silently wondering, "And who taught you?" [25]

The Reverend Mr. Ainsworth

The women's intimacy progressed rapidly. Soon Anne was regularly spending the night with Ann at Lidgate.

Monday 15 October 1832: I undressed in half [an] hour, and then went into her room. Had her on my knee a few minutes and then got into bed, she making no objection. . .grubbling gently. . .She whispered to me in bed how gentle and kind I was to her, and faintly said she loved me. [26]

Ann's eagerness gave Anne misgivings: could she have previous sexual experience?

Friday 19 October 1832: . . .At last, said that but for her word to the contrary, I should have believed she could no longer pretend to the title of old maid. She took all very well—denied, but yet in such sort as left me almost doubtful. She said she did not deny that she had been kissed. [27]

In her diary Anne speculated about the identity of the person who had first kissed Ann as a lover. Her suspicion fell at first on Ann's former fiancé Andrew Fraser. But she also entertained the idea that it might have been Ann's friend Catherine Rawson, who had often expressed the wish to live with her. Anne rather implausibly "fancied that Catherine's classics [i.e., familiarity with bawdy ancient Greek and Roman authors] might have taught her the trick of debauching Miss W—" (Thursday 11 October 1832). [28]

On Friday 26 October Ann received a black-bordered letter with terrible news. Her friend Mrs. Ainsworth, from whom she had been expecting a visit early in the New Year, had died four days earlier after 'being thrown out of an open carriage.' Anne had an immediate realization: "It instantly struck me. She would in due time succeed her friend and be Mrs Ainsworth." [29]

London Courier and Evening Gazette, Tuesday 30 October 1832. Image source: British Newspaper Archive

"Due time" before the Reverend Mr. Thomas Ainsworth's proposal to Ann would typically have been after a mourning period of at least several months. But on Thursday 1 November, less than a week later, Ann received a letter from Mr. Ainsworth; Anne reported that "Ainsworth hopes Miss W— will not forsake him as a friend and begs her to write to him. . .Oh oh, thought I, all this is very clear." [30]

It became even clearer the following Wednesday when another letter arrived for Ann from Mr. Ainsworth in which he addressed her as "his affectionate Annie."

Wednesday 7 November 1832: Miss W— nervous, in tears perpetually. . .At last, from little to more, it came out. . .I pressed for explanation and discovered that she felt bound to him by some indiscretion. He had taught her to kiss. [31]

Ann hastened to reassure Anne that "they had never gone as far as she and I had done." But the next day Ann confessed that the Rev. Ainsworth, while married to Ann's friend, had not only kissed her, but "he had asked her to yield all, assuring her it would not hurt her." Anne's response was vehement: "I held up my hands and exclaimed, 'Infamous scoundrel!'" The floodgates of revelation now open, Ann disclosed that a carbuncle ring she wore was a gift from Ainsworth. Anne removed it, and told her "she would see nor hear of it no more." [32]

But despite Anne's outrage about Ainsworth's behavior—"My indignation rose. . .I reasoned her out of all feeling of duty or obligations towards a man who had taken such base advantage" (7 November)—Ann felt that she was committed to Ainsworth. "Thinks she has done wrong to say yes to me. Is remorseful. Thinks she was bound to Mr. Ainsworth" (9 November 1832). [33]

It's possible that the source of this idea was Ainsworth himself; Ann was very religious and, unlike Anne, guilt-ridden, and Ainsworth had undoubtedly detected and was preying on her vulnerability. But Ann's vacillation made Anne doubt her profession of sexual innocence; she suspected that Ainsworth had likely "deflowered and enjoyed her" (25 November 1832). [34]

Although the women continued their sexual connection, Ann remained unhappy—emotionally torn and subject to periods of "nervousness" and listless melancholy. Anne grew more and more disenchanted:

Thursday 6 December 1832: . . .I felt her over her chemise & this all but did the job for her. She owned that she could not help it & that now she had got into the way of it & did not know how she should do without it. . .Yet still she talked of her sufferings because she thought it wrong to have this connection with me. . .She will not do for me.

Saturday 8 December 1832: . . .she got into the old story of [how] she felt she was not doing right morally. . .yet let me grubble her this morning gladly enough. Said to myself as I left her, 'What a goose she is.' [35]

Anne spoke of her exasperation with Ann to her aunt at Shibden Hall:

Wednesday 19 December 1832: Miss W—. . .had everything to be wished for but the power of enjoying it. [36]

Anne began corresponding with Ann's brother-in-law in Scotland, Captain George Sutherland, husband of Ann's sister and co-heiress Elizabeth, on a plan in their mutual interest: removing the suggestible Ann from any contact, in person or by letter, with the Rev. Ainsworth. With Ann in Scotland with the Sutherlands, Anne would be free to go abroad (something, Ann had written, that she refused to do with Anne "till I have fewer torments of conscience than I endure at present"). In her New Year's Eve diary entry, Anne reviewed the past year:

Monday 31 December 1832: Parted in tears, both of us. I saying, I never did or could understand her. . .How different my situation now & this time last year. Quite off with Mariana, Vere married and off at Rome. . .Miss W—, as it were, come & gone, known & forgotten. . .What adventure will come next? Who will be the next tenant of my heart? Providence orders all things wisely. [37]

Next time: Reunion and commitment

Other posts in this series:

• "I only love the fairer sex": Anne Lister, part 1
• "It was all nature": Anne Lister, part 2
• "I was now sure of the estate": Anne Lister, part 3
• "Captain Tom": Anne Lister, part 5
• "No historical interest whatever": Anne Lister, part 6

Sources for and works discussed in this series:

I Know My Own Heart: The Diaries of Anne Lister, [1816–1824,] Helena Whitbread, ed. Virago, 1988/2010 (as The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister), 422 pgs.

No Priest But Love: Excerpts from the Diaries of Anne Lister, 1824–1826, Helena Whitbread, ed. NYU Press, 1992, 227 pgs.

Jill Liddington, Presenting the Past: Anne Lister of Halifax 1791–1840, Pennine Pens, 1994, 76 pgs.

Female Fortune: Land, Gender and Authority: The Anne Lister Diaries and Other Writings, 1833–1836, Jill Liddington, ed. Rivers Oram Press, 1998, 298 pgs.

The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister, written by Jane English, directed by James Kent, starring Maxine Peake as Anne Lister, BBC, 2010, 92 mins.

Gentleman Jack, written and directed by Sally Wainwright and others, starring Suranne Jones as Anne Lister, BBC, 2019–2022, 16 episodes, 950 mins.

Anne Choma, Gentleman Jack: The Real Anne Lister, Penguin, 2019, 258 pgs.

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1. Quotes from Anne Lister's diary from 1821, 1822, and 1824 are taken from I Know My Own Heart; those from 1826 from No Priest But Love. As in other posts, italicized sections of the diary (sometimes estimated) were written in code. ^Return
2. Anne Choma, Gentleman Jack, p. 29.
3. Gentleman Jack, pp. 23, 29.
4. Gentleman Jack, p. 35.
5. Gentleman Jack, pp. 37-38.
6. Gentleman Jack, p. 39.
7. Gentleman Jack, p.43.
8. Gentleman Jack, p. 44.
9. Gentleman Jack, pp. 46-47.
10. Gentleman Jack, p. 42.
11. Anne's walk with Ann Walker the year before had been initiated by Ann:
    
    Tuesday 12 June 1821: In the afternoon at 5 1/4 walked along the new road & got past the Pump when Miss Ann Walker of Crownest overtook me, having run herself almost out of breath. Walked with her as far as the Liget [Lidgate] entrance to their own grounds & got home at 6.40. Made myself, as I fancied, very agreeable & was particularly civil & attentive in my manner. I really think the girl is flattered by it & likes me. She wished me to drink tea with them. I hoped for another walk to Giles House & the readiness she expressed shewed that my proposition was by no means unwelcome. She has certainly no aversion to my conversation & company. After parting I could not help smiling to myself & saying the flirting with this girl has done me good. It is heavy work to live without women's society & I would far rather while away an hour with this girl, who has nothing in the world to boast but good humour, than not flirt at all.
    
    Ann would later tell Anne that "she had always a fancy for me" (Monday 8 October 1832; Jill Liddington, ed., Female Fortune, p. 66). ^Return
12. Jill Liddington, ed., Female Fortune, p. 37.
    
13. Female Fortune, p. 60.
14. Female Fortune, p. 61.
15. Female Fortune, p. 62.
16. Female Fortune, p. 63.
17. Female Fortune, p. 64.
18. Gentleman Jack, p. 122.
19. Gentleman Jack, p. 123.
20. Gentleman Jack, p. 124. If Fraser had died three months earlier, it would have been around the time of Ann Walker's first call on Anne Lister in early July. ^Return
21. Gentleman Jack, p. 129.
22. Gentleman Jack, p. 132.
23. Gentleman Jack, p. 140.
24. Gentleman Jack, p. 141.
25. Gentleman Jack, p. 134.
26. Gentleman Jack, p. 148.
27. Gentleman Jack, p. 168.
28. Gentleman Jack, p. 134.
29. Gentleman Jack, p. 154.
30. Gentleman Jack, p. 155.
31. Gentleman Jack, p. 166.
32. Female Fortune, p. 67; Gentleman Jack, p. 169. It's not clear when Ainsworth's sexual predation began or how long it continued. It is known that Ann was visiting the Ainsworths for two weeks in February 1830, and that during her visit the Walker family learned of the death of Ann's brother John. See Deb Woolson, In Search of Ann Walker: William Priestley Letters, 27 May 2022. ^Return
33. Gentleman Jack, p. 169.
34. Gentleman Jack, p. 172.
35. Female Fortune, pp. 67-68.
36. Female Fortune, p. 69.
37.  Female Fortune, p. 67, 70; Gentleman Jack, p. 182.